During this last spring break my daughter and I found ourselves outside of Build-A-Bear store entrance. Part by crazy logistical construction detour chance, part by my daughter’s persistence, and despite my reluctance to walk in that general direction, we found ourselves standing at the very door of this mother-load of memories. This was it, hers and daddy’s place, where they built that tacky pink unicorn which I regularly hid from […]
I often overheard my young mother say this in conversation with her friends, when I was little. She didn’t really mean it, nor she was conscious of the profound effect that hearing this had on me, on my early attitude towards children, and my decision if and when to become a parent in life. I have since “come to my senses”, and have placed the major saccharine mind F* k […]
Today, I received the first letter from the recipient of one of Rob’s organs. For the last 2 years, I anxiously awaited receiving this letter, not knowing how I would feel when it finally reached me. The Gift of Hope organization, handled the recipient to donor family communication in the most sensitive and caring manner. I had a choice not to open it, they didn’t leave it to a chance […]
I took a stab at online dating recently. Time has come to silence all the well-meaning encouragers in the business of grief-healing and moving forward in life. I got on a dating website that prides itself with layers of inquisition and digging deeper so you find that most fitting mate to match you on deeper levels than you ever thought possible, or at least at apparent 55% level of compatibility. […]
My daughter is almost 8, and one of the most intoxicating, euphoric things I stupidly still do with her, is carry her around in my arms every chance I get. I carry her to bed at night, I carry her out of bed in the morning and I pick her up spontaneously when ever the opportunity presents itself or she does something insanely cute. This need for carrying my offspring […]
Our first love shack was a tiny vintage studio apartment with exposed brick walls. It was utterly charming, snugly space which we intimately shared and cherished for our first two years together. We never noticed the space constraint, nor surrounding urban decay, we didn’t care if it took over an hour to find parking and bring groceries home, we did it together. It didn’t faze us that we didn’t own […]
I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. We talked about the way he sees girls having expectations that everything is always smooth and happy in the relationship and their interactions are perfectly synced and understood. And if not, the tension kicks in and then it stops being fun. It made me reminisce about the multidimensional, natural, ebb and flow I experienced in my 15 year marriage. As a […]
Sitting expressionless on the edge of the sinkhole that just swallowed my life, staring into the abyss, without clear emotion, just static, deaf brain fuzz. I’m thinking… I’ve been here once before. this moment of confusion and disbelief, a moment when shit becomes real, yet it feels like it’s happening in an alternate universe and to someone else…. a moment of amputation and final separation, a moment when life, the […]
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